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"I met an old lady once, almost a hundred years old, and she told me, 'There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?'"
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  
"We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy's fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure--your perfection--is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart."
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  
"There's a reason we refer to "leaps of faith" - because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch.
Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  
"Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  
"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."
-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
  
I want the kind of life and personality where I can find common ground with a complete stranger and know their future. I want to be omniscient. Sweet, vague and terribly charming. I want to care for something. I want to be cared for. All I can do is want. Acting is so difficult. Trying is too much. I want someone to understand that being alive is enough to me. I want to be able to sleep next to a stranger and convince them they're safe. I want someone to see past this wall I put up. Tear it down and see that I can't handle being alone for much longer. I want them to just pick me up and carry me like I'm five again.
  
  
  
  
  
xxx
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
Maybe someday we'll figure all this out,
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now | | |
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She was often restless to the point of irritability. She simply liked to feel that she was prevented from leaving, that she was needed.
  
Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.
  
But this first clumsy attempt showed her that the imagination itself was a source of secrets: once she had begun a story, no one could be told. Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know. Even writing out the she saids, the and thens, made her wince, and she felt foolish, appearing to know about the emotions of an imaginary being. Self-exposure was inevitable the moment she described a character's weakness; the reader was bound to speculate that she was describing herself. What other authority could she have?
  
I hate those endless descriptions of a heroine's physical attributes. It really bothers me how in books it seems like the only two choices are perfection or self-hatred. As if readers will only like a character who's ideal--or completely shattered.
  
Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'
  
Being alone is not the most awful thing in the world. You visit your museums and cultivate your interests and remind yourself how lucky you are not to be one of those spindly Sudanese children with flies beading their mouths. You make out To Do lists - reorganise linen cupboard, learn two sonnets. You dole out little treats to yourself - slices of ice-cream cake, concerts at Wigmore Hall. And then, every once in a while, you wake up and gaze out of the window at another bloody daybreak, and think, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot pull myself together again and spend the next fifteen hours of wakefulness fending off the fact of my own misery.
  
I was anti-everything and everyone. I didn't want people around me. This aversion was not some big crippling anxiety; merely a mature recognition of my own psychological vulnerability and my lack of suitability as a companion. Thoughts jostled for space in my crowded brain as I struggled to give them some order which might serve to motivate my listless life.
  
I lower my eyes, wishing I could cry more or care less. Yes, it's true, I was trying to love again, I was caught caring, bearing weight.
  
Most people talk when they have nothing to say. I’m not talking because I have too much to say. None of which I’d want you to hear.
  
So that's how I learned the lesson, that everyone's alone; and your eyes must do some raining, if you're ever gonna grow.
xxx
Three year anniversary of this site! Seems longer.
299 302! subs. <33
Thank you!
My posts are getting shorter, sorry. | | |
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"I couldn’t escape them, all the little things I left unsaid. I was drowning in them."
  
"People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams."
  
"Take pride in your pain; you are stronger than those who have none."
— Lois Lowry
  
"If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore. But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head."
-13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher
  
"My thoughts about the world were shaken. Like driving along a bumpy road and losing control of the steering wheel, tossing you - just a tad - off the road. The wheels kick up some dirt, but you're able to pull it back. Yet no matter how tightly you grip the wheel, no matter how hard you try to drive straight, something keeps jerking you to the side. You have so little control over anything anymore. And at some point, the struggle becomes too much - too tiring - and you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy...or whatever... to happen."
-13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher
  
It was so easy to disown what you couldn't recognize, to keep yourself apart from things that were foreign and unsettling. The only person you can be sure to control, always, is yourself. Which is a lot to be sure of, but at the same time, not enough.
-Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen
  
"Monotony doesn't make for painlessness. In the first century CE Roman authorities punished St. Apollonia by crushing her teeth one by one with pliers. Colin often thought about this in relationship to the monotony of dumping: we have thirty-two teeth. After a while, having each tooth individually destroyed probably gets repetitive, even dull. But it never stops hurting" (96).
-An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
  
"It's a lot easier to be lost than found. It's the reason we're always searching and rarely discovered--so many locks not enough keys."
-Lock and Key, Sarah Dessen
  
I feel like maybe I really am happier alone. Like maybe the safety of my own soul is all I can trust. My skull is a cushion, I can bounce thoughts around inside my head. They never get hurt. But it's when I start bouncing them off other things, that is when the real damage gets done.
  
I've never felt completely insane but I have felt completely inadequate, and these feelings can drive you mad.
  
xxx
289.
I'm sorry.
My heart hurts. | | |
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